Right now I am very confused about many things.
I am really starting to freak out about this whole Army thing.
I know that I am doing the right thing and that it will open many doors for my education and lead me in the right direction but I am beginning to get scared.
I don’t want to back out and I won’t. I won’t let myself do that. It is a pattern in my life. I say I am going to do something I commit to it and start to actually plow ground in that direction then I freak out and never do it. I never follow through with my word. So I am going to do this thing to prove myself wrong.
Then there is the fact that I am having serious thoughts about moving back to Alabama until I go into the Army.
I am just not thrilled with the idea of working my butt off here in Tulsa.
I just want to go home and be with my family and hang out with my brother before I leave.
There are a couple of glitches with that one though.
A: I don’t want Abby to think it has anything to do with her. It is not about her it is about me I don’t want to have to work so hard right now
B: Living with my parents would be difficult. VERY difficult. They don’t even have a place for me to sleep. Plus dealing with my mom and dad would be interesting.
C: There is just a lot of stuff going on in my brain right now and I’m not sure really what to make of it but it involves things in Alabama, i’m just confused about the way i’m feeling about certain things.
So right now I am just going through a really tough time. I actually cried about it today. I am frustrated with where I am at. But then again aren’t I always.
God help me!!!!