Sitting on my bed feeling useless.

Wishing and hoping for a passion that’s not there.

Wondering why I don’t feel it when everyone else feels.

There are so many questions I often ponder.

Why can’t I change for the better? Get rid of this ugliness inside?

How can I feel love when I only feel compassion?

I want to love but I don’t know how.

If anyone can help me I can’t find them through this endless mist.

I want to cry but I hold it back.

Is it because of pride or fear from the lack?

I want to swim freely in the river but I don’t know how.

The tears come but what do they show?

Pain or compassion or both?

Poem Written: February 12, 1999